so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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