not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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