We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
