Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
