It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
