before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
