I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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