farters have to be the big spoon...
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
