Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
