how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
