It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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