You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
