you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
