On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
