Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
a search helicopter?!
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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