dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
