so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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