I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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