I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
