i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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