please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
My day in three words: secret purse cake
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
