I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
