He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
All the doctor said was why
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
