Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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