make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
