i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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