I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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