i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
you inspire me to be a worse person
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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