why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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