we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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