Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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