Girls should come with a carfax report
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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