im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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