I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Randomize
