I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
