I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
