This is not my ceiling
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
