i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
