Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
