I love black thongs
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
