I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
