Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
