She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
