did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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