I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
