some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
