so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Couch. On fire.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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