this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
