I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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