I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
