I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
