I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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