You just made me feel so damn special
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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