You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Congratulations! We have a period
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
