there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
