I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
