I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
