i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
so let's talk penis.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
