I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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