I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
