where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
