Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
