After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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