I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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