I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
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