Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
