My hair reeks of homosexuality.
My hand turned me down
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Michael Bay diarrhea
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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