you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
