You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
