every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize