well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
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