I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
cat food counts as protein by the way
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
