My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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