I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize