Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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