Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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