I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
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