I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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