He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize