Small penises have feelings too.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
