im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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