I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize