Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
